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West Side Dreams:-
“Thank you.” Blaine nodded as he made his way off the stage. He was pretty happy with how his song had gone, and the reactions he’d received on the number had installed a dash of hope in him, that he really had a shot at Bernardo or the Officer.
“Wait! Wait.” Artie called from across the auditorium.
Blaine knew it. He inhaled deeply as Artie continued,
“On your audition form, you said you were only interested in the role of Bernardo.”
Blaine turned to face the three of them. Artie looked a little confused, but with a spark of something in his eyes. Ms Pillsbury looked concerned.
Blaine started to fumble out his explaintion, “Uh, yeah..o-or Officer Krupke.. either one’s fine.” He pushed out a little smile. He’d really tried very hard to sound as convincing as possible, but he was mentally kicking himself as he stumbled over the words and as his voice quivered. He knew they weren’t fooled as they all turned to each other with what Blaine saw as some sort of sympathy in their eyes. Blaine didn’t want them to make a fuss over this, he was just fine with either of those two roles, like he’d said.. And this was his first year at McKinley, he didn’t need to stand out among the crowd any more than he already did. He was just fine playing along side Kurt, he’d already told himself this enough times already.
“Would you mind reading for Tony?” Artie asked him.
Woah. Blaine was taken aback, eye’s widening with nothing but shock. He wasn’t expecting this at all. No. He knew they’d probably pity him for not going for the main and then leave him at that.. this was not meant to happen like this.
Blaine didn’t know what to say. What could he say? All he had was two truths, neither he wanted them to know:
a) He didn’t go for the role of Tony because of Kurt, his Boyfriend. Blaine knew only too well how much this lead meant to Kurt. He needed it. Kurt would be an amazing Tony and Blaine would love to play alongside him. Kurt didn’t tell Blaine he couldn’t go for it, not at all, Kurt wasn’t like that, not on purpose anyway. No. Blaine wanted Kurt to play this part and had no intention of having a stand off with the boy he loved, over the part that boy needed to get into the college of his dreams.
But the other truth was the hardest to admit to even himself:
b) Blaine wanted to play Tony, so badly so.
Blaine wanted to feel like something special, like he had a purpose. He wanted to earn back a little more of that feeling of worth, that not too long ago, he thought was gone forever thanks to bullies. Blaine actually really loved musical theatre, more than many people knew. Dalton never performed any real musicals purely because of the lack females in the all boys school. They’d done monologues and performed concerts including some of the songs, but never actually done a whole big show. In Blaine’s old old school he never dared go any where near the musical department, he was already beaten enough at that school for his sexuality and he just couldn’t find the courage to be himself. Blaine had never even been in a play.
This was really his only shot and he loved West Side Story. He knew he’d had loved to play Tony, ever since Kurt told him that he and Rachel were pitching the idea to Mr Schuester. But he knew that he cared for Kurt more than anything, and that his boyfriend’s happiness was the most important thing to Blaine. That’s why when he heard Kurt’s excitement about trying out for Tony and how he though he had it in the bag, that he had to step down from the part and let Kurt go for it. It’d be easy enough, if he didn’t audition then he could just know that he wouldn’t have been good enough anyway. By not auditioning for Tony, he could let it go rightfully to Kurt.
But it hadn’t gone to plan and here he was on that stage, looking very uncomfortable as the fought so hard within to say no to this opportunity. They were practically giving him the part, it was in reach and if he went for it, he’d have a good chance of finally getting that staring role he’s always wanted. The dream he’d thrived for for so long was being handed to him on a golden plate, but to fill his dreams, Kurt’s would starve.
Blaine shuffled as Artie awaited an answer. Ms Pillsbury was nodding at him encouragingly and Coach Beiste looked at him with that same hope. They all believed he could do it. Blaine didn’t get that feeling too much.. of other people believing in him.
He opened his mouth to say something again, but no words came out as he shook his head, shaking the need to cry away.
It was time to decide.